“A Lurking Predator and a Playful Beauty” by Tamuril, written on 10/2/2007
This is incredibly disconcerting. I’m shifted to both animals again. Its very, very strange…horse is playful, goofygiddy, FWOOMenergetic, happy, prancing, headtossing, maneflying, tail flagging, playfully rearbucking, ears pricking, trotting and sniffing, wanting and looking for a playmate, curious and investigative and troublemaking/gettinginto and knickerwhinnyneigh, just goofing off and having a happygoodtime.
And cat….cat’s restless, huntyprowly, territorial, savage, wanting blood, wanting fight, lurking, shadowstaying, silentpadding, tail swishing, liquidly flowing through the air, fluidly moving, watching unblinking from her hidden pose in the shadow, watching silently for any intruder to teach a lesson to…very much like I was last night.
I’ve got both of them at once. Sometimes they’re equal, sometimes the scale switches *slightly* more towards one than the other. When it moves a bit more towards horse, I go FWOOOM and feel a burst of energy and playfulness, and when it moves a bit towards cat, I start feeling angry, cold, a slight lack of energy, restlessly wanting and waiting for an intruder simply for the excuse to fight. Neither ever goes away at all, I feel them both extremely…I’m not very human at all right now. I’m human enough to keep them in check, but not any more than that.
I feel my fur, both coats-golden-yellow with large graceful black spots, and deepdark bloodbay both, and as I look at myself I can see the two coats, one over the other, even though its impossible to determine which is foremost. I feel both my ears, the gracefully curved and pointed equine ones on the top of my head, the shorter notquiteaspristine feline ones more towards the sides. I feel my paws and my hooves, and I feel my claws sheath and unsheath restlessly. I feel both my tails, a rarity, as I very rarely feel my equine tail. The equine one is flagged and swishing, the feline one fluidly swishing through the air, barely moving except to swishtwitch and display the tense energy under the control. I feel my eyes change…the feline hunter comes through them, I can feel the change. Yet so also does the horse, the liquidity and expressionism of the equine lending depth to my eyes, even as they harden with the cat. I can feel my mane as well, under/amongst my human hair, and I have the urge to toss my head, let it fly, rear and spin with the joy of movement. And yet I feel the need to crouch, to stay still, hidden, watching and observing. My human body tries to crouch and hide, yet at the same time to bound, play, stretch out and move. I can sate either of these, yet there is always the discomfort of the other animal telling that a body is not meant to be positioned, moving in such a way. I feel my muzzle and teeth in my mouth, I have an urge to sink them into something, to bite and claim and dominate and make sure that it is known that IT IS MINE and to ward and warn off. Yet I feel my horseface as well, my nose especially, velvet soft, blackdark, whiskers twitching, sniffing, curiously investigating anything that holds even remote interest. I try to arch my neck, yet at the same time I lower my head and jut my shoulderblades. I try to crouch in the shadows but my equine back end won’t fit there. I try to prance but the feline silent padding fluidity doesn’t work for such a thing. I feel my limbs, my bones, try to situate themselves two different and completely separate ways, at the same time that I feel two different series of incredibly strong, conflicting emotions.
I shift and/or am aware of both animals at times, and in varying intensity…but when it is strong like this, they are of the same mind…at least, that is how it has been before…
I think before long that one or the other, or both, of them will get frustrated at the inability to be as they want. Eventually they will get angry. Horse will rearspinbuck, this time not in play, and she will look to kick and bite something to let out her frustration. Cat will turn from a lurking silent predator to an active one, no longer waiting but moving, attacking whatever it is she will find. And human will be left, trying to sort out and determine between, trying to control, trying to protect herself and others, at the storm. They have not gotten to this yet…but I have been doubly shifted with them angry before. I know what will come. So for now, I prepare, and I watch the playfulness of the horse in her paddock, and the silent lurking of the cat in her shadows.